She still thinks back to that finely made sculpture of a white horse, as her eyes witnessed its demise. It was a perfect illustration of her soul: smashed and shattered. She herself was the one who broke it into pieces. The whole room was in chaos: Torn curtains, broken mirrors, crushed flowers, and the rest severally damaged. It was all dark and destruction everywhere, with only a single living being, who was standing on the left side of the bed in its worst possible shape. Palwashay was sitting there, all shriveled up. There were little scars on her face and her hair was disheveled. Her sudden cry broke the dead silence. The pitch was so high that it might have deafened every single creature who would have heard it. But she has been alone in her room for some time; cutting all the ties from the outside world. This room has been her whole world, and people made sure that not a single stream of light could enter that room.
She recalled the moments when Faris and she had tied the knot. The day of their Nikah was the best day of their lives. They were admired as the most beautiful couple in the family. They were so enthusiastically preparing for the wedding day. She still remembers how her heart was pumping differently the day before her wedding.
“Faris”, said she, clutching his hands with an unknown fear in her big eyes. “I feel something is going to happen as if we will be separated.”
“Oh Come on! Darling, don’t be afraid. I will always be with you.” He replied with a gentle smile on his face and kissed her forehead. She was still not satisfied. “Will you make me a promise?”, asked she. He nodded. “Promise me that you will never leave me whatever happens”, said she.
“I promise” he replied and helped her to sit in the car, as they were on their way to shopping. Her lovely eyes filled with tears and Faris got lost in them. She was the love of his life. How could he leave her? “You are a cute silly girl”, he said and they both smiled. They never knew that this would be the most horrible night of their lives which would result in collapsed relations.
The roads were dark, empty, and silent. Suddenly a black car appeared and overtook them. 3 to 4 boys with guns in their hands quickly made them get out of their car. By their appearance, it seemed that they were the strayed children of an elite class family. They were all drunk. Palwashay and Faris were shocked, but they restored their senses when one of them pulled Palwashay towards him. “Fffff… Faris! Help me”, she cried. Faris in rage tried to pull her back but one of them had restrained him to move and warned him of shooting his head. He had left her hands by then. He did not seem to have any intention to save her as he was more frightened and concerned for his life than palwasha’s They rushed palwashay in their car and ran away.
The next morning, she was found on a road; almost a corpse with a few breaths still in it. Some people took her to the nearby hospital. It was her wedding day when she was lying on the bed of the hospital fighting the battle of her life. Faris had disappeared since last night after informing her family of the shocking tragedy, leaving them in a state of entire bereavement. They could do nothing but lament the destiny of their daughter.
Miraculously coming back to her senses, she heard someone sobbing and tried to open her eyes slowly. Her mother was crying near her bed. At that moment, she could not think what was happening but the next moment, she was apprised of what she had been gone through, and the awareness, sometimes, can prove to be an unending lamentation, and so did for her. She was being hysteric and the doctors gave her tranquilizers to make her sleep once again.
After being hospitalized for more than 3 days, she returned home. Her brothers did not want to see her anymore. They had blatantly discarded her as their sister as if it were a crime to be a brother of a raped girl. But Faris? Why did not he come when she needed him the most? She could not forget the moment when Faris had left her hands as he was scared for his life watching a deadly weapon in their hands. She was still in a dilemma about how one can leave love in the hands of monsters? He once claimed that he loves her the most.
Faris on the other side was in an indecisive situation. How would he face her when he was not able to face himself? Was it easy? He loved her but will he be able to accept a raped girl? It was not easy for him to answer these questions. Faris, called his mother for advice, but her mother was very clear about the situation, she said, “For how long will you stay like this? You have to bring an end to this relationship. We can’t accept such a girl. What will society say? I’m not listening to anything else.” She left him with no option. He himself was not able to accept her. He could have tried a little bit now, he could not live with her for the rest of his life. “Mom was right. For how much time would I keep answering the questions of people? Who will shut their mouths? I can’t add a perpetual depression in my life”, he thought and picked the papers his mother had left on the table while leaving the room. He had come to a decision: a decision that was enough to kill Palwashay once again.
Palwashay never even in her wildest dreams imagined that one accidental event could bring an end to their gorgeous marriage. Tears rolled down her cheeks when she was reading the papers of separation from her beloved. She never even envisaged that all her expectations would fall flat. Seeing the divorce papers in her trembling hands, thinking about all those vows, pledges, and commitments going down the drain, the world seemed to have perished for her. It came like a bolt out of the blue for her. She was numb. How could she utter anything? Whom could she speak to? The agony had made its way to the core of her heart. She was never willing to let this verity go down her throat that she was not with Faris anymore. Her sky which had seen a bunch of stars entirely enlightened with joy and elation just a few days back was now wrapped with unthinkable and pain-stunned darkness. She had turned blind with the relentless strokes of insensitive slander and deception. She saw but she could not see anything. In her life, now there was nothing but an endless, heart-throbbing series of aches and incessant depression and dejection. She was truly in a permanent trauma: a blind alley.
She was restricted to tell anybody about the earth-shaking devastation and shell-shocking mayhem and trauma she had gone through. She was restrained to come out of her room. It had been 7 months of facing a thousand of deaths every day. Why her breath does not stop? Why did she not die? She asked God. How was she suffering continuously? How was she facing the behavior of her family? Her father once told her before his death that she was his only brave girl, the one who can fight anything. His old, wrinkled hands were shivering and his lips were whispering when he was on his deathbed. “Never stop fighting.” With a weak smile on his face, he gently caressed her head. Perhaps it was her only strength. But, Did his father know what she would go through 7 years after? And that the tears will accompany her forever?
She was tired of bearing it alone and decided to fight for herself. And she fought, for she was a brave daughter of her father: a fighter. She had never forgotten the faces of those monsters who made her life hell. No one was there to support her, not even her family. She faced a lot of difficulties but she proved that she was a warrior. She alone made it happen to seek justice where justice was ruled by money. What a big achievement it was for her! Her heart was solaced when she defeated money over truth. She was the proud daughter of her father and an able anchor. The beasts were destined to rest in hell forever. But would this world give her honor back to her? Will it accept her as a normal girl? She knew that it would not. She was still the topic of women’s gossip. She still was called a “raped” girl. What else was changed other than the criminals had come to their deaths?
It was the moment when she was told by her mother that she was a curse to her family. Her sister’s engagement was broken because of her rape and her fight against the criminals. “You are a raped girl. Why don’t you die? We all are suffering and your brothers have left this house just because of you. You are the reason they can’t confront anybody out of their homes. Why did I give birth to such a stubborn girl? Didn’t we ask you to shut your mouth and be restrained from telling anyone? You’re a curse and disgrace to our family. It would have been better that you had died that day when you were raped.” Shouted her mother and disappeared. The door was locked with a loud shriek; as if someone had thrown her into hellfire or if she were pushed into an abyss full of darkness. She found herself in acute torment and anguish. Ah! What else was left to live for? She smiled painfully for a moment, and the next moment the room was turned to this condition: wrecked and smashed out of rage. Perhaps it was the moment when she must die. She picked up the piece of the mirror she just had broken and stabbed it in her left hand.
She had to do this because she could not live with this filthy adjective attached to her name. She could not live being called a “raped girl”. She could not live to be a disgrace to her family. She could not live to be a cursed one. Her motherland had given birth to beasts. Society was her killer.
The journalist bemoaned her demise. Indeed, the societal norms assassinated an innocent girl. Her unacceptance in society had ripped her heart. More than anyone, her mother and her family were her chief murderers. She was unable to live not because she was polluted with the dirt of a “raped girl”, but because her family and the society kept her realizing each moment that she had lost the right to live. What was her fault? It was only that she was dishonored at the hands of a few sordid inhumane beasts. The criminals got what they deserved but what about the concealed criminals of the society? Perhaps, they have annihilated the lives of hundreds of thousands of girls. Who will hold them accountable? When will their oppression be called into question? The journalist, with a heavy heart, wound up a pathetic report!
