How do you recover from trauma, tragedy, suffering, setback & misfortune?

How do you recover from trauma?

Today I listened to an entire conversation in which someone poured out all his frustrations, expressed all his disappointments, and shared his regrets about his bitter experience. I saw him and heard him out with utmost concern without interruption. On top of that, most importantly, I understood him from A to Z as if it were my own experience. I acknowledge his pain with all my heart, mind, and soul.

Fortunately, I can share some vital guidance on recovering from a terrible life experience. To explain that, I have to explain my story in detail to make sense to you because it will cover all the angles of his discussion today and give you at least food for thought, something to reflect, ponder, reconsider, reanalyze, and reassess from scratch. So read it carefully with an open mind and be willing to listen to a different point of view – not what the bestselling authors or top motivational speakers tell you – the exact opposite.

Let me compare and contrast Aadil Farook in Malaysia in 2009 with Aadil Farook in Pakistan from 2010 to 2016. What are the positive indicators for the ideal life of a believer?
Happiness, satisfaction, bliss, inner peace, joy, positivity, hope, optimism, energy, motivation, high aims, aspirations, dreams, goals, objectives, constructive activities, productive routine, busy schedule, meaningfulness, purposefulness, slim and fit body, healthy eating habits, sound sleep, zero psychological issues, emotional stability, stable mood, no disorder or abnormality, no dependence on medication, good relationships and social life, confidence, creativity, inspiration, piety, God-consciousness, trust in God, purity of intention, strong faith, sound belief, remembrance of God, reflection, contemplation, worship, compliance to religious law & religious spirituality, love for God, adherence to prophetic lifestyle, preparation of hereafter, seeking, learning, reading, spreading, writing & preaching knowledge of religion, service to religion, helping humanity, contribution to religious causes, patience on adversity and gratitude on blessings, brilliant mind, intellectual growth, utilization of talents, the exercise of God-gifted abilities and skills, active lifestyle, proactive approach towards everything, competency, excellence, brilliance, outstanding academics, successful career path, respect in society, courage, fearlessness, determination, hard work, commitment to the global cause of believers, the perfect combination of passion and profession and the long list goes on and on and on.

All these 100 points were ticked in Malaysia. So it was heaven for me. Not a single point was ticked in Pakistan. So it was hell for me. For many years I miserably struggled with the question: Why did God do this to me? What was His wisdom behind all this? Why did He deprive me of such an ideal life and give me the most unfavorable life? What exactly was His divine plan in all this? What hidden benefit did I get from all this? What was the use of all this? What advantage did I get from this experience? Why didn’t He help me when I had tried to do everything for His religion? Why did I have to go through all this? What was wrong with becoming the top scholar of Religious Thought and Civilization? Why was I deprived of that degree which was ideal for me? Why was I expelled despite being the top student at the leading institute? Why were my dreams shattered? Why were all my efforts wasted? Why were all my hopes torn apart? Why was He not sincere to me when I was sincere to Him?

I couldn’t understand anything at all. I couldn’t see any wisdom in anything at all. I couldn’t find the answers to any questions at all. I had to live a pointless, burdensome life without direction or benefits for many years. I had to accept a horrible pathetic, inferior, messed-up version of myself, and it was impossible coping with my existence with a smile.
But here’s the most crucial point that I was missing. And to understand that single point, I had to wait for many years. In 2017, I first attended the Question & Answer session of Dr. Azhar Waheed, the successor of the belated Sufi saint, Wasif Ali Wasif. In 2019, I became his disciple. Now in 2023, I understand why God put me through all this trauma. I confess with conviction that God was perfect in doing what he did. How?

In Malaysia, all 100 points were ticked, but 1 point was not. That single point is much more important than all the 100 points together. That 1 point is now ticked to some extent in 2023, but still, I have a long way to go and a lot to improve myself, and my remaining life should be spent trying to tick this one point to the maximum level. What is it?

It is simply the essential quality of a good believer, especially a traveler of the spiritual journey, the most critical indicator of an ideal life of a believer according to our holy book and sayings of Prophet PBUH – it is true humility and genuine humbleness – having a heart free of pride, narcissism, ego, arrogance, self-love, self-appreciation, self-admiration, self-praise, self-worship – a heart full of self-negation rather than self-affirmation.

This quality was lacking in me in Malaysia in 2009; according to this measure, the Aadil Farook of 2023 is a much better human. My remaining spiritual journey is to keep polishing this quality to attain proximity to our Prophet PBUH, whose humility and humbleness are infinitely higher than mine.

God put me through all this only to make me a better person. Still, it took me many years to understand, acknowledge, and appreciate it to the extent that now I thank God for not making me the best scholar of Religious Thought and Civilization. I thank God for making me only a Senior Editor Content because while the world would have sung praises of me in that case, now I have more value in the eyes of God in this case. I am delighted with it.
You would say that your story is different from mine and that you don’t have anything against God. So why am I teaching you all this in the first place?

Dr. Azhar Waheed says that being content with God in truth and reality is being at peace with all the life experiences, encounters with all people, and all that what you have gone through because it is God who decreed all that by His Will, His Wisdom, His Plan, His decision, His choice, His knowledge, His preference and He knows what is best for you. As a believer in our holy book, have you forgotten this verse (2:216):-

“It may well be that you hate a thing while it is good for you, and it may well be that you love a thing while it is bad for you: and God knows, whereas you do not know.” So what you need is solely unshakable trust in God that if He put you through all this, it is best for you even if you don’t understand that at all, and if you keep doing good patiently and with gratitude, there will come a time when you will see the fruit of your deeds right in front of your own eyes and then you will say, “I thank God those things happened in my life” – this is not just wishful thinking or idealism or utopia or daydreaming. If you believe it, you will experience it yourself in the future.

The conclusion is that since you are a believer, you should always trust God’s plan 100%. Our holy book (6:59) says, “Not even a leaf stirs without His will.” How can your entire life be without purpose?